...oh yeah. Embassy Suites.
just read over my last Live Journal entry. i think that was the beginning of the end of my education. i never reenrolled for classes - things with gilbert got really serious. he moved in and i kept working. school lost all sense of priority.
almost a year later, i'm back in houston - yes really. what a gap for an update. i have, since then, learned that life is not about being upset about things not going the way i want them to - instead life is about the things i make of it. although it may seem i lost a lot by having dropped out of school (or was it academic dismisal?) my departure from san antonio has turned out to be a very good thing. granted, i am not currently going to school; but instead still working for the same hotel company with what could be considered slightly better pay. but good things have come of my move back "home". for starters i am not digging my grave any deeper with debt - instead with every day, i am slowly climbing my way up and with each passing paycheck getting a better wiff of fresh debt-free air.
i do gripe every now and then, though. i reminisce. but who wouldn't? it seems like it was just yesterday i was still a college student working my 16 hour work-study job, working not on making money, but towards a college degree and as happy and carefree jumping from an unrequited relation to one that seemed close to perfection. and then i snap - those things weren't as good as i made them out to be. not really, anyway. irresposobility took over my drive to finish school and to have things planned out and well organized. things that i thought would be good for me slowly began pulling on me, bringing me down and finally completely disillusioned me. not to make myself out to be a victim - i take full responsibilty for it all.
i really do.
my situation is getting better with each passing day. summer of 2008 will bring hardship, but i have been preparing myself for it since my move back in september. my family supports me - and my true love will be there to motivate me and inspire me. i plan on getting back on track with school; juggling the hotel's stress with midterms, final exams, and keep paying off the rest of my debt.
there is a light in my life now that ignites so much optimism - his name is joe. he's brought me closer to what once was my aspiration and my goal driven dreams. unlike any other person i've fooled myself into loving, he has held me back from irrational decisions, reminding me with every passing minute that my actions should not be to make things better for tomorrow but for the rest of my life. through him, i have learned that there is so much to fall back on - that, however bad the situation is, there is a way to keep climbing up, however deep or far in i may feel i've fallen in. he's brought me close to God. not in a religious aspect,or in a crazy obsessive fanatic manner, but in a spiritual manner - he's taught me that He is the best confidant i can have and that regardless of how things have been in the past I can trust in him.
i find myself waking up in the morning actually thinking about how much gratitude i have for the small things i have in life. remind myself, that however stressful my day at work will be, it is all a part of the process of making things good.
life will continue and i will get wrapped up in the midst of it all and probably forget about this journal for another few months - but for now it's good to know i have my sanity and rationality to put all down in writing. after all, the things i treasure so much are the things i have done in the past. not because i miss them, but because they have helped me find my way back here. where i belong.
|2 breaths taken| take a breath of life|